/usr/bin/killall -KILL gfh

Hm... ok, a little rant for that bit o' Spanish I put up the other day. If you visited that page you'll get a feel for what I'm talking about.

you, a nice guy? tell me more

If you met me on the subway or on the street I would probably look unfriendly to you. I generally don't say much, don't return stares and don't particularly like small talk all that much. (One of my old bosses had said his wife, upon hearing I was leaving the company, had said... "who? oh, that sour-faced boy!")

However, those who know me (seem to) like me ... I think I can say that I am nice to all my friends. Or those I consider to be my friends...

While I'm not one for clichés, I didn't have many friends at all growing up. My parents moved when I was little, then again when my sis was born (I was 7 then). Maybe I got shyer with each move; I don't know.

i love (bashing) my secondary school days...

Next stop ... after primary school I've been to all-male schools. 11 years now... secondary school (ages 12-18) and college. Now, it seems to me that all-male schools are the most homophobic out of all the types of schools -- my secondary school in particular ... I got lots of remarks demonstrating this (I had a problem with that; I wasn't gay. My "proper manner" of speaking probably didn't help.... but anyway... interestingly enough, a good friend of mine was though, and no-one 'suspected' him. But this is veering off-topic, and you can read about it here.) That wasn't the only thing anyway... I was quiet, not into sports, and not accepted by any particular clique.

Also, after almost always being top of the class, coming 8th in test was quite a humbling experience (I improved to holding 3rd consistently from the next year, though). My self-esteem plummeted, and pretty much stayed down during those 7 years.

trinis are known for their hospitality ...

The point is that I tend to treat my friends very well, and am usually very "nice" in my dealings towards them. Including those whom I think are my friends. Sigh.

I rejoiced when he left.

But friends make fun of each other, don't they?

I suppose I'm sensitive that way, and can't take a good fatigue (ribbing), but there are only so many "jokes" you can "get" before you start suspecting something's not right.... and in this case he'd vigorously defend his assertions that "my website sucks" (ok if you agree :-P ), "i [am] too fussy about my place" or "i am wrong about x, and it should be y" (which really isn't all that different!) etc. etc. And then when I patiently worked my way towards showing him the fruitlessness of the whole "argument" (losing said patience in the process), he would say "oh, I'm just joking"....... to justify it all.

So some time after he left, he came by again, and being the abuse victim I am, I had no problem letting him in. He was checking his e-mail on my laptop, and I made some idle comment about it being so great having the house to myself so I could be a slob. Bad idea. He said, oh, you were always a slob, even when I was there. (And what I should have said was "if my place was so nasty, you could've found somewhere else to stay. I hate you for some inexplicable reason or other. Get the fuck out of my apartment." But coulda, shoulda, woulda.)

The problem is, I'd never properly learned how to be an asshole.

(The answer to the above question is yes, they do, but if they don't support each other when it counts, it all starts to hurt like real insults. As for my "friend", making fun? Is that what he was doing?)

"you really know how to pick'em" -- Dad

Ever had a friend that never has anything good to say? Not me, not any more, anyway.

And now that you know why I say nunca más, you can be my friend by not yawning while you return to the Homepage.